I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
