the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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