I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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