The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
