somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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