I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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