If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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