Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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