Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
