when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
