Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
