She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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