why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
