Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
