Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
