ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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