I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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