Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
