blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
