Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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