i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
