I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
