i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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