The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
