my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
