we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you repeat that, but with context?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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