I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
