Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
