He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
