I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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