I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
