...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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