DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
