Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
