In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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