I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
