WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
