you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
