There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
