so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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