Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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