So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
