and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
