I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
