the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
