You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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