so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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