porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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