I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
