I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
